:: the gathering storm ::

:: Tuesday, July 27, 2004 ::

ah yes.......ye olde blog.

im back from quite a long hiatus. theres been an internal struggle in me regarding this blog as to weather its worth the time and effort to blog anymore. although it is a rather small amount of time and effort if i do say so myself. in other words.....its been a while. i must apologize though. reclusive and un heard from i have been as of recent. hopefully that will change. i found myself in a place in life where i felt it best to just be alone for a while. couped up in here with myself, my thoughts, and of course a little bit of bourbon to take the edge off of the lonliness. how pathetic. but that was the goal. a humbling experience to say the least. ive realized i need to change. and thats a hard thing for me to come to terms with. sometimes that requires some alone time to gather your thoughts. as for now, its time to venture out into the world again.

...

mad world

a confused glance can only be seen on my face. you know the one when your slouched over on the bar with your right hand messgaing your forehead. guinness at bay in front of you. thats where i found myself tonight. at an almost forgotten familiar place.

i can only think to last summer. at one of the lowest, lonliest points of my life. being at that same bar passing time with intoxication confusion and loss of direction. last year, almost to this very day, my life fell apart on me. ive scattered the pieces back up the best i can now. im making something of myself finally. somewhat successful. at least in my eyes. im glad im not back there again to say the least.

lately my mind has been flirting with me. my thoughts seem, at times, claustrophobic. like the old lady running out of the elevator; "I cant take it any more. i gotta get out" she says. every once and a while my thoughts spurt out into my consciousness and reveal new things to me. it seems transitional. i guess thats growing up. something everyone older than me has experienced before but never delvulged too deeply. "growing up" its called. and thats it. youll figure the rest out on your own.

its intense.

"all around me are familiar faces.
worn out places. worn out faces. bright and early for their daily races. going nowhere. going nowhere. their tears are filling up their glasses. no expression. no expression. hide my head i want to drown my sorrow. no tommorrow. no tommorrow."
-tears for fears.


...

the hunters and gatherers.....

ive made a new friend. well not new. i noticed him/her hanging around here in the fall. but its not untill now that ive really appreciated his/hers prescence. theres a little squirel that has decided t make its home on the ledge outside of my bathroom window. this ledge along with the other windows in my aprtment is home for him/her. i call the squirel charlie. anyway i noticed charlie every once and awhile over the winter. the winnter months raged and charlie was always there. hangin on the ledge.

there is meaning to this....i swear

anyway between the annoyance of the early morning wake ups from the banging and scratching on the window charlie has become welcome on my ledge.

the native americans believed that the spirit of the squirel represented gathering of resources in a time of scarcity. weather it be material, mental, emotional and so on. This has proved somewhat meaningful to me. i dont mind charlie around because every once and a while i notice him/her hanging out on the ledge or in the courtyard gathering resources for its home on the ledge and it serves as a motavation to me. if the squirel can make it all by himself in this world so can i. gathering in a time of scarcity.

...

i saw myself in the mirror today..........



and all i could do was laugh



...

12:13 am

my window is open letting the fresh air in. you cant beat the smell of spring. its intoxicating. if love had a smell. it would be spring. The harsh winter has fought its fight up against your window and the whole time you only hope you could wake up in the morning and open it to warm air. now you know what your missing out on. then when spring comes and the warm air arrives. you open your window and inhale all that youve been waiting for the past 6 months. this new but remeniscant scent hits your nostrils like cupids arrow to your heart. and youve finally found something to fall desperatly in love with.

...

headlines


.ive made the decision to go to genesseo when i get out of mcc. which i have one semester left of. thats all i know of that. where ill be living, working, and everything else.........got any ideas readers?

.i make money and everyone wants a piece. i seem to owe the whole world money this month. someone out there must think that i grow this stuff in a hidden closet wallpapered in tin foil and hot lamps......water twice weekly and trim for presentation.

.speaking of money......i payed mcc months ago for a parking pass and they never gave me one. so today i got a parking ticket because i didnt have the parking pass i payed for but never recieved located in a visible position on my auto. and man is there going to be hell to pay. even though it is a 5 dollar ticket. im still not paying. just because im an asshole and id rather put up a fight.

.and speaking of parking. im done with paying parking bills for my permit in the garage. im boycotting the payment for parking. at least at the east end parking garage. theyll never catch me! so far.....1 month strong and holding my head high. im a real mover/shaker.

.thanks for tuning in. not much happening over here but maybe sometime soon life will get exciting.

p.s. i was naked when i wrote this

im sure that will offend people more than talking about my stance on homosexual marriges







...

ive tried to post for days but nothing sounds like anything worth reading. so this time ill actually hit publish just to say that ive updated.

the highlight of my day was ripping off the top of my yogurt to discover that i, michael incardona, have won a $10.00 online discount at dannon.com. id like to thank the accademy, my mom, dad, and everyone who has helped me along the way. (exit stage left to thunderous applause as symphony crescendos to commercial)

(sigh)

(insert something witty and clever here)

(insert deep and insightful paragraph about self discovery here)

fin





...